I suck at Query Letters

Ideally, one of these days, editors will email me or call me, maybe, to assign a story. But I guess everyone has to pay their dues.  Which means, if I want to write for magazines, I have to write dozens of query letters. Except that I suck at writing query letters...

I research my market, brainstorm ideas, write down notes, try to bang out a letter, and then it just sucks.  Poppy Brite has this hilariously accurate quote about freelance writing, "If you're a freelance writer and aren't used to being ignored, neglected, and generally given short shrift, you must not have been in the business very long." 

I have only been here five years and believe me I am more than used to being ignored.  I've come to expect that a query will usually be ignored. 

After all, editors are busy people.  Plus everyone and their Grandmother thinks they are a print-worthy writer (don't get me started), so I understand why they are not yet knocking down my door. 

But then I see these kids fresh out of college writing for the New York Magazine or LA Times.  A tinge of jealousy when I Google a writer and s/he graduated from Brown last year.  I went to a state university and I don't know anyone who knows anyone.

So...I guess I'll just have to keep writing, writing and then write some more, and one day soon, I'll get my foot in the door.  (Hey, that rhymed!)

...on getting paid

I shall imagine there is no greater bane to the freelance life than a consistently late-paying client.  Oy vey.  Look, I understand, things come up on occasion. When you're working with smaller businesses, it's almost to be expected.  

OCCASIONALLY.  

But every month, paying 15-30 days late on an invoice that's net 30 is unacceptable.  At that point, you're fucking with my bills and I do not appreciate that. Why do people not just come out and say they don't have the money yet?  I would be fine with accepting payment in installments.  

But please do not tell me that a cold or a vacation or another vacation or a long holiday prevented you from hitting the "Pay Contractor" button, because that is bull hockey! (True story by the way!)

Can you imagine how quickly a freelancer would be fired if they told a client, "Yeah, so I was on vacation last week in the Bahamas.  I'll have the assignment to you next week!"  No....just no.  They would get sooo fired. 

To quote Henry Hill, a Goodfella: 

"The place burned down? Fuck you pay me. Lightning struck? Fuck you, pay me. Slow business? Fuck you, pay me." 

Motivations...

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Sunday Motivations...

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